Barry Bee Benson: Space Adventures
by HoneyBunch58
Summary: Tales of a little yellow space commander with a big fuzzy heart


Barry Bee Benson: Space Adventures

Captain James Tiberius Kirk sat in his large bucket chair, allowing each of his lower cheeks to achieve relaxation. He got a call on the space phone.

"It is an emergency," barked Mr. Spock.

Kirk began to shake with fear. Sweat pooled gently under his seat. "I am frightened," he muttered. "I need information from a trusted leader."

Soon, the space door slid open. A small but striking form dressed in a yellow and black uniform stepped into the room. Kirk identified the uniform as the clothing of the Supreme Leader of Starfleet who was in charge of outer space.

"Admiral Benson!" Kirk exclaimed. He smoothed his hair in what he hoped was a cool way. But Admiral Benson (Barry to his friends) saw through the façade. He saw the insecure shell of a man beneath the constant bravado.

"Hiya, doll face," the admiral drawled. "I've identified the cause of the space emergency."

Kirk's eyes widened surprisedly.

"There is an evil race of aliens," Benson continued. "They are more evil than Klingons and other Star Trek aliens shown previously on the television series." (Benson was racist toward the Klingons because he hadn't seen the more recent television series involving Worf.)

Kirk shivered with profound fright.

"Do not fear, wee one." Admiral Benson rested one out of six hands on the captain's shoulder. He used the second of his six appendages to press a button on the big computer dashboard. A photograph of a horrendous creature appeared.

"Is it plant… or animal?" Kirk pondered angrily.

Benson shot him a smirk that nonverbally said, "silly boy." Then he spoke aloud. "It is planimal."

"How can that be?" Kirk sputtered. Spittle danced across five o'clock shadow. A vein pulsed in his sweaty neck. His eyes widened, bloodshot and watery. This, Benson thought to himself, was the face of a man who had woken up during those dreary hours in which night muddles with morning, stumbled into his own bathroom without turning on the light, taken a short piss, and started to shuffle out again only to mistime the turn of his head and catch a half-glimpse of the dark mirror that reflected a side of himself he hadn't dared imagine. Benson knew the feeling. Using his third leg, he took a drag on his cigarette.

Captain Kirk's buttocks was still rooted to the chair, which was located in outer space. But he felt as if he were on a whole nother planet. A planet of pure fear.

One of Benson's antennae began to vibrate. "Shitake mushrooms," he intoned. "The bastards have breached the ship."

This proved to be true, as the space door slid open once more, making a sound that went like woooosh. A charming red clay pot entered the room, walking on thick roots that burst from the bottom of the planter and sprawled clumsily over the floor, struggling to grip the freshly waxed linoleum. A thick stem with a handsome plant head (aka a big pink flower) stretched out of the soil in the pot.

"Like I told you, sweet thing," Benson shrugged, "they're planimals." He made intense yet playful eye contact with Kirk, which sent a chill (but not an unpleasant one) down the latter's spine.

The planimal crawled toward Kirk. It was slightly taller than him, making him feel somewhat emasculated. Benson remained cool because he was used to his relatively small stature, giving him an advantage in this situation.

The captain glared at the creature. He knew that it was the leader of these invading aliens, and it had sought him out because he was the leader of the USS Enterprise. Or was he? The monstrous flower turned its head away from him…

Benson took a sip of the iced tea he had been holding in his fourth hand. As he looked up to asses Kirk's progress in battling the creature, his eyes met the center of the pink flower and something in his perception shifted.

Meanwhile, Kirk delivered a quick punch to the creature's stem. However, it proved to be too robust and meaty to take much damage. He turned to check on Benson, and saw the admiral's eyes flash with a dark hunger. All at once, Benson spread his veiny wings and leaped onto the creature's face. His proboscis unfurled and stretched toward the pollen-filled center of the flower.

The alien being let out a monstrous roar.

"Let me FEAST," Benson hissed. "I need that nectar."

Kirk could only watch as he was bested by his superior, Admiral Benson. He hung his head in shame, and he was also aroused.

"More," the admiral growled, his hairy legs scrabbling on the massive petals. "Give me the nectar."

Kirk grabbed a disposable wipe and mopped up Benson's tiny glass of iced tea, which had been upset during the skirmish. By the time he finished, Benson was on the floor, breathing heavily, and the planimal was drooping in its charming red pot.

"I've drained most of its life force," Benson said, flashing the captain a wry smile. "Took a lot out of me, though."

Captain Kirk lowered his hand to the floor, allowing the little fellow to step onto it. "What about the others?" He extracted his phaser from its stylish hip holster in a threatening manner.

"That won't be necessary, doll face," Benson soothed. "The others will run away when they see that I've robbed the head honcho of his flower power." He winked.

Just then Kirk got another call on the space phone. "What's up?" he asked.

Spock was on the line. "The emergency is over, but I have a rather strange hypothesis about the situation. A hypothesis is a kind of guess I can make based on information I already know."

Kirk was grateful for Spock's expoundment. He hurried to the lower deck with Benson riding along on his shoulder. Benson observed that the captain smelled like aftershave, with a hint of natural musk.

When they reached the lower deck, they observed Mr. Spock surrounded by large flowers in pots. The flowers were possibly sentient, and they were weeping a viscous pink fluid.

"I've sent the juice to the lab for analysis," Spock said. "In the lab they will perform special tests on the juice."

"And what about these creatures, these 'planimals' as they're called?" Kirk inquired.

"They're grieving. Crying for the mother bloom. We can ignore them, baby face." Benson waved his second hand, as if metaphorically waving away Kirk's concerns. His second hand was also the one with the cigarette in it.

"Alright. We're approaching Epsilon 9. We can drop the creatures off there." Kirk gave a heavy sigh. He turned to Admiral Benson. "At least this little 'adventure' is over."

Barry Bee Benson looked directly into the camera. "Oh, honey," he crooned, "the adventures are only beginning."

The End ?


End file.
